First Christmas without my girl.
Christmas has always been a tough time for me, this year is
defiantly worse. My daughter died by
suicide in March this year, just days before her 18th birthday. So, how do I get through this Christmas?
I haven’t taken the tree out of the box, this is not usual
for me as I typically don’t put it up until a few days before Christmas. Even the thought of putting it up this year
is heart wrenching. How do we celebrate
without her?
When someone says “Merry Christmas” to me I smile and wish
them the same. Inside I am screaming at
them, “NO IT’S NOT MERRY!”
What is Christmas?
It
is a time of year we all celebrate Christ’s birth and share this joyous time
with our family. So how do I do this
this year? How do I do this without my
daughter?
Everyday has been more and more difficult without my
daughter. Just surviving days has been
such a battle. All the world is happy
and celebrating such a joyous time. I’m struggling to just get through the
day. I can see the beauty and the joy of
the season, I just don’t want to. I can
feel the love and support from the people around us, I just want to hide and
curl into a corner.
The sleigh bells ring – I just cry
The lights are shining brightly – the tears roll down my
face
The stockings are hung with care – I struggle to put my
smile on
The tree is up in everyone’s homes – I can’t take mine out
of the box
Presents are being wrapped with care – Mine will be in Target bags
Families are traveling far and wide to be together for
Christmas – my family will never be all together again
The snow is falling – this was her favorite time of year
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