This time of year grows increasingly
hard for me. This year is proving no different despite all the work I am doing
to heal and grow. What is different this year is how I am taking care of my Sad
Girl and giving her the grace she needs. The grief isn't any less but these conversations I can have with myself now help.
This week I am struggling with my inner sad girl again. So, I sat with her and had a chat.
Me:
Sad Girl why are you
sad?
SG:
I expected this year to
be easier and I want to be so much further, I thought I would be by now. I feel
like I'm failing, letting myself down.
Me:
Nothing is ever going to
be easy about this time of year. You
have big goals, and have crushed them all along the way, which goals have you
failed?
SG:
I just see the old me in the
mirror again. I am afraid, scared, and hurting.
Me:
The old you will always
be in the mirror, she is you. You have grown from that time and learned so
much, now tell me about the other victories along the way.
SG:
I have learned how
fragile my heart is and how much it needed my own love and kindness to find
some healing. I have given myself the permission to keep promises to myself
just as I do to others because I'm worth it too. I have learned I can do more
than I thought possible. I have learned
how to fuel my body properly, not punish it by withholding, not reward with
treats and junk. I have learned to build my tribe to support me. I have learned that I
am not just alive but I am living too. I
have not given up on myself.
ME:
All of that shows you
how you haven't failed, but how you have soared and come so far. You may
have fallen and failed before but you have always gotten back up. You are
not failing, you are still going, still taking care of yourself and that is
wining.
Take another look in the
mirror and really look because the reflection you see has grown from the
woman that was there, you are LIVING! You have come so far from where you were.
SG:
I am certainly a work in progress...inside and out. Thank you for loving me through this. I needed ME through this more than I ever knew.
