Don't Ask Why

 

I recently stood by a friend as she lost her friend to suicide.  As a loss survivor and a friend, I was with her to offer her support.  I quickly realized that being a support also meant that I was there to also help field the “why” questions. 

The pain my friend sat with when fielding all the “why” questions over and over was heartbreaking.  In the moment we have lost someone so close to us to suicide the only thing needed is love and support.

I am here to tell you, the “why” doesn’t matter anymore.  That the “why” questions we all have will never really be answered.  We have to accept that there was no one thing that takes a person to the place of suicidal crisis.  We have to accept that we as curious human beings are not going get these answers and that we need to keep our questions to ourselves.

What all the “why” questions do is look for blame and often cause more hurt for the family and loved ones. The “why” questions you may have are likely something they have already been asking themselves.  What they need from you now is love and support, not more questions. 

Why I Speak About Suicide

There are always people that ask me when I speak about losing my daughter to suicide, “How can you do it?”  It is simple to me, I have a big voice and little fear of crowds, so I can do a small part to help spread hope to those affected by suicide.

In the two years since we lost my daughter, I have spoke several times.  Some telling our story, others sharing education and prevention to schools and communities.  There hasn’t been one time that I wasn’t nervous, because I want to be sure I am conveying all the hope I have to share with this world.  The hope I have is for others to understand that suicide and mental health needs to be treated just as physical health is. 

We as a community and a culture need to do better, we need to invest in more research, more advocacy, more education just as we have with other medical conditions.  Through the years we have all witnessed other medical conditions gaining the research and education and have seen huge strides in survival from those conditions.

While I stand before a crowd to talk about our story, I know much of our story is not unique, there are so many families that are experiencing the pain mine is.  This makes it even more important to continue to share.  Those families all need to know they are not alone, and that there is hope. 

As with any disease, we can’t save everyone, but we can do better!  This is why I choose to volunteer with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP).  The funds we raise in our communities help to fund research, advocacy, education, and survivor support.  Working with AFSP, I feel like in some small way I can help others and be a part of the changes that need to happen in our world. 

So, simply put I stand before people to talk about suicide because hope guides us through many paths in life and shows us the way.  Being the “Purple Ninja Mom” is something I have and always will be proud of.  My daughter’s battle with depression was long, she fought it hard every day, and we did right beside her.  When her battle ended, her hope didn’t.  I will carry on her hope and her mission to help anyone battling this disease with the hope in my heart that other families won’t have to fight this battle in silence.

Live life to the fullest and always “Fight Like a Ninja”!